WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
