tell your sister to shave her snatch
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We just shotgunned beers for America
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
