I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
