why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
