I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
