Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
