Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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