i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
