My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
