At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
