walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
