I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
