Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
