my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
It's Friday. Sex?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
