Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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