Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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