You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
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