You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
