i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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