I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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