I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
