We won't sleep together?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
