I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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