That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
