I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Dignity is for republicans.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
