Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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