and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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