I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
