Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
