I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
