Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
