You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
