sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
