do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Success! We fucked roommates!
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