Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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