idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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