You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
