This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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