I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
