apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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