i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
