first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize