guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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