Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
