Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
