So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
