Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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