She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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