I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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