anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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