My hair reeks of homosexuality.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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