The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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