you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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