Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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