I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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