Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
