I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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