She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
