i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
